Helloooooo
Okay so I haven't been able to update like //anything// or be even be updated about exo any more, and it's really kind of sad to see other people get more famous in my place. I have no qualms about that but I'm just.....depressed that I'm not updated any more!!!!!
Sec4 has been such an arduous journey thus far, and some idiot wrote "241 days to o's" on the board and I got so shit scared about everything. I hate it when I get panic attacks or like depressions about my worries and troubles about this year. My panic attacks are a big problem because I would basically shun everyone and anyone, and I would be so depressed and be over-thinking so much till my insomnia reaches a whole new level- going sleepless and going for school the next day to get 2x the lethargy.
Every single day has been a torture and hell for me to live through since I'm quite goal-oriented as of now. Luckily, I have my friends by my side to help spur me on and make my days happier and livelier. I've honestly thought that I've changed a tremendous bunch from last year, and I have to admit, I've never worked so hard for my studies before, in my entire life. Surviving daily tuitions and remedials till about 8-9 at night, I would come home all burned-out from the day, but would still have to complete my homework and daily revision every single night, without fail. I never thought that I would have this much of discipline in me, but here I am! I've become a more open, carefree and (prettier laughs) person as I've grown over these 2 months, and I'm really satisfied with how far I've come in my journey towards my dream school/course.
It really is important for me to do well this year and over these few months, in order to be crafting my ideal future, because my o lvls' results would determine which path I would take, and what kind of job I would be having next time. Knowing myself, I would ideally want to be an air stewardess, part of the SIA cabin crew, cruising the skies while donning that unique kebaya-like uniform. In order to achieve that life-long goal, I would have to be in a course that would secure me a place in the crew- mass communication. This has been a dream course of mine-ever since primary school days-and English has always been my favourite subject! I would be going for my dpa soon, after my mid years and I am terrified of what will come out of it. I hope God will be able to guide me throughout this entire year, as I plough my way through the snow-like barrier.
On another note, I am glad that I've been on good terms with this old bud of mine and it actually makes me happier! But how I wish that we would talk more and that the awkwardness and tension would dissipate. I am slowly stepping down from my CCA (oh thank God thank you Jesus) in April to focus on my studies and I really can't wait for that day.
I am totally totally tots looking forward to the last day of o's, I can't wait to do the things that I have always been wanting to do! They include:
- dyeing my hair ash brown/honey brown/red/any colour that baek has/had
- Re-perming my hair again
- Plan my itenary for my Europe/Korea/Japan/Hongkong-Shanghai trips!!
- getting a slimmer and hotter bod (if that's possible)
- getting my fat ass back to dance/start ballet
- go out everyday anywhere any time and with anyone
- Burn my books and notes (who wouldn't)
- Work part-time at Topshop/Starbucks
That's all I can think of........as of now, but there will surely be more to this list! Wish me luck as I embark on this journey towards my dream and goals!
