(22) 상처

I'm not a slut. I'm not a whore.
What did I even do to be named these horrific labels? All I ever did was record a fucking dance cover and this is what I get.
I didn't even publicize or proclaim that I could dance well. In fact those who know me well enough, would know that I feel inferior and I look down upon myself when it comes to the aspect of dancing. I would practice so damn hard back in those days while I was still in dance, that I would injure my back and waist. Do you know how painful that can be? I couldn't even bend, sit, stand or even walk properly without feeling pain. Yet, I bore with the pain and took it as a sign of hard work and intensive training for myself to get better at the sport. But everyone has their limits. I broke down countless of times because of the pain and worry that I wouldn't be as good as others, and I'm a perfectionist when it comes to the execution of my dance exercises. Moreover, I've always been telling myself that I'm fat, my legs aren't as pretty as other dancers and I started dancing not too long ago so I'm not as agile as others. I look down upon myself, many at times, it's just that I don't voice anything out. Now don't get me wrong and say that I'm seeking pity, I'm not. I'm just expressing the amount of hurt, anger and injustice I'm feeling. It's so unfair to be saying those things about me.
Dancing is undeniably, a passion of mine. A passion doesn't mean that you have to be good at it, but rather how much effort and love you put into it.
Therefore, if you think that I'm a slut or whore or whether I'm horrible at dancing, please come and say it to my face. Don't go round spreading the damn video and creating more trouble or hurt for others. I've been hurt enough, my wounds don't need to be pried open even further. And I thought that you were all my friends, or acquaintances at the very least. But I guess not. This dance cover was made purely for our own entertainment and you can actually see that we weren't putting in much effort or taking it seriously. Remember, bashing blindly is as good as bashing yourself up.